Wednesday, 2 July 2014

This is how you lose her

This is how you lose her. 
You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets.
You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.
She remembers when you forget. 

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the  beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable.She wants to feel cherished.When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate.She wants to know that she is enough and she does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.
You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.
You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.
And, this is how you keep her.

Sunday, 29 June 2014

Power Of Two

They say that what you sing is usually what you feel. Isn't it? I'm not sure actually but I know that I am pristinely happy right now.

My cover of 'Power Of Two' by Indigo Girls

Now the parking lot is empty
Everyone's gone someplace
I pick you up and in the trunk I've packed
A cooler and a two day suitcase

Cause there's a place we like to drive
Way out in the country
Five miles out of the city limit we're singing and your
Hand's upon my knee

So we're okay
We're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the Power Of Two


Tuesday, 29 April 2014

You will never understand

You will never understand how a relationship like this works. I am mesmerized by the thought of loving someone who annoys my world and takes over a huge part of my life. Physical fights? You have no idea what it is like.

Love makes you stupid. I actually wasn't given a choice. All I can do is accept defeat and that this person will go nowhere else but by my side. It may sound like I do not want her to be here (To be honest, I kind of felt that way BEFORE) but I am lucky because until now, she is here and I just realized how important her presence is.

She was such a bully, I must say! Who the hell would use strength and power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker? She was 16 during that time and I was 7. Yeahp, we have a nine year age gap. She'll tease me to death and the moment I will start crying, she'll be like "Pikon ay laging talo" for not less than 50 times. In order for her to stop teasing me (which is a big entrapment) I should clean her room and do her home errands. After accomplishing those, she'll be nice for an hour and then it will expire.

Have I mentioned she says no to almost everything I do and what I want to do? She hates the things I like. She hates the rap music I loved BEFORE ( Come on, you've listened to "jeje" music too HAHAHA ) She hates the TV shows I like, my habits and some of the guys who I find real cute BEFORE.

It takes time. One day we'll understand why. That day actually came. I now understand why she's such an acting parent, why she hates those things and people for me and why she tells me which is which. I was for myself. I thought I understood life and circumstances. I didn't.

Despite being such a foolish hard headed Pentium I computer, she stayed and she endured everything. She took care of me and gave me a new family. I can never truly express my gratitude. I didn't have a choice and I was stuck with her but if God would rewind everything and give me a selection, I would still choose her.

Happy happy birthday to the prettiest, wisest, and not to mention craziest sister I love. I love you Arly Cruz Avellana Y Kiunisala! I love you so much!

Friday, 28 March 2014


"Most people don’t know how to appreciate the silence” -Nicholas Charles Sparks
What is with silence that we are so disturbed about it? We fidget. We tend to look around as if some serial killer is chasing us, we look at our nails then bite it as if we are about to do a recital while suffering from stage fright. We daydream, we think of things that we will be doing afterwards or do something to break the muteness. Wherever we go, at any time, there is a buzz, a swoosh, a screech.

In the time being, silence is a powerful force that is hated and is prevented to exist. It became scarce. It is technically referred to as “complete absence of sound” but in our time, it became the loudest thing that ever occurred.

Silence does not signify dead air time. It is a chance given to us to focus on our own thoughts. I don’t mean that you should be quiet all the time thinking deeply. See it this way, you are always talking and making sounds. There may be times that you do not but mentally, you do. Why do you find it hard to just relax? Silence is a way of keeping the mind calm. Someone quoted “It takes noise to appreciate the silence.” On the contrary, I believe it does not. We live in a world of noise and it made us uneasy with silence.

A deaf person has all the silence in the world. He can’t hear a thing or two. He can’t hear the noises that are disrupting, the sounds that make us scream. They can’t hear what we can. Do you think they can live in peace? No. What others can hear out there is what they are disturbed about.

Have you seen the difference? We have a choice while they don’t. But do we use that option to balance the sounds and the silence? Too much of noise will stress us and tire us. Too much of silence would make us give out the loudest cry that its echo could break our hearts. Anything that is too much is not good. Whatever we do in our life is a choice. In our generation, we have too much noise and now we should learn how to equate it with silence. Let’s not be trapped by silence nor sounds alone.

January 2013

Saturday, 15 March 2014

Why do i even wait?

Why do I even wait for you…

Why do I even bother to expect a call from you, expect a message from you, expect anything from you. Even when I know in the back of my mind that you won't, I still constantly check my phone for your calls and text, and I even check my viber and look at the messages to see if maybe just maybe you thought about leaving me something there. 

All I do is disappoint myself, sometimes I walk away from my phone leaving it for an hour or two feeling big and bad like a boss not giving two fucks but then after all that, I run to my phone with a smile on my face with that deceiving feeling of knowing that you either called or texted, only just to find myself with a frown and a reason to keep my head down.

It’s almost like I have my back turned walking the opposite direction from you, but my little big heart pulls my shirt trying to stop me and tell me that I’m not doing the right thing. I don’t really know what I’m doing from this point on, I’m kind of incomplete without you. 

Friday, 17 May 2013

Two years is equivalent to a huge part of my life

Have you ever had someone who loves you from the heart? No matter how much you argue on anything, you cannot be drawn apart. Someone who is a joy that cannot be taken away. Once she enters your life, she is there to stay. The feeling that you've known her for just two years yet she already occupied a huge part in your life.

It all started in TAMs

"Ang cute mo naman"
"Ang pretty mo talaga"
"hi crush! <3 :="">"

Liking pictures there and everywhere...

Until we got close and we started skipping practices for milk tea =))

"Ano oras practice? 5 pa naman eh"
"tara milk tea"
"Ms. sorry di po kami nakaattend ng practice uminom po kasi kami"
"ng milk teaaaa!!!!"

And then you joined our Ohana...

"Mom, dad" 
"Sino panganay? Si aian ba o si mish? Sino mas matanda? pero sino acting na mas matanda?" 

Surprised you during your birthday :)

"Ate tingnan mo yun! Diyan kaya tayo kain? Eh dun nalang kaya?" 

Well, people come and go and during that tough time, you never left me. You never stopped  listening to my never ending pathetic stories haha!

"Ate diba friendly lang yun?"
"Oo arm"
"Ate friendly lang yun diba?"
"Arm di ko alam parang hindi na :("

 "Ate ang sweet na niya sakin di ko namaintindihan"
*Sends screen shots
"Hayyy salamat nagkalakas na ng loob ang torpe"
"Ate, inaaway ako ni.... ate di na niya ko kinausap"
"Wag ka na dun Arm, okay ka na na ganyan arm. Di mo sila/siya kailangan"

You also introduced a new family who's now a huge part of me as well

Inuman sessions (Radio show DAW) at the restroom :))
Recording artist sa restroom and so on and so forth.... countless memories I treasure.

Can you remember the blog you posted during my birthday? I also feel the same way ate I love you so much! I can't take it if mawawala ka huhuhu. Whatever happens, I'll be here. Even though, I disagree with your decisions oftentimes, I'll never leave you hanging ever just as how you stayed with me. 

"Yung feeling ng may isang tao na parang kapatid na yung turing mo sakanya. AS IN YUNG TOTOONG KAPATID, ganun kayo ka-close. Yung hindi mo siya matiis kapag may gusto siya or may favor siya sayo. Yung kapag umiiyak siya nasasaktan ka din. Yung masaya kayo lagi pg mgksma kayo pero may times na may tampuhan din. Away bata! Pero hndi niyo naman matiis ang isa’t-isa. Maiiyak nalang kayo all of a sudden kasi gusto nyo siya kausapin kahit sobrang tampo na kayo sakanya. Yung bbyahe ka pa para lang pahiramin siya ng flats kasi masakit na daw yung paa nya! X) Yung ayaw mong may nananakit sakanya. Kahit sino pa yan. Yung tipong naaapektuhan ka ng mood nya. Ganon..

Ganoon ka saakin Doly Arm Cruz! " -Mishra Idris ♥♥♥♥


Tuesday, 1 January 2013


2012 passed by so fast. It was so fast that you want to go back and slow it down. It wasn't all about just fun and happiness. Everyone wants happiness and no one wants pain but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. Right? So here I am in my dark room making a blog post about how I spent my 2012 :)


So I spent the new year with my family and I look and dress like this euuuw =))

During January, I focused more on my extra-curricular activities. Specifically,
the Student council executive committee and the Tamaraw Artists of Makati.
I met new friends as well. A LOT.

The student council 2011-2012

The Tamaraw Artists of Makati

Arianne my long lost sister :>

Student council girls during the Fun run

Also, I was on TV!! I ate something hahahaha

I watched a KPOP mall tour (ZE:A) despite the fact that I don't
like K-pop at all. Ugh, Arianne's fault :|


February introduced me to my second family

OHANA means Family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten
During February, I went to Jayson's birthday night out-ish...
Me = minor that is sorounded with brothers will drink
WATER !! :| Si Martin kasi eh =))

Talking about valentine's day, uhmmmm I cried
I cried not because of valentine or date related issues but because
I didn't had the chance to take a bath 'cause I slept really late and woke up really late too

That's my crazy face 'cause I was so stressed out..

Meet my brother Gelly Ace :> =))))))))))
and Antonish... :D

Okay okay, forgive me for these are the only matinong pictures I had


March taught me how to sneak out =)))

And here's the birthday boy! Happy Birthday Gelly!!
  During this month, my sister got married too!
It's my honor to be her maid-of-honor

March is the end of school year also :| 

And so this is my barkada :) We're definitely the roses among the thorns =))
  I got my car as well yayyy!!!

April, ummm
I learned something new! roller blading!! :-bd

Heaven took Lola (dad's side) during April and I got the opportunity
to hang with these little cute monsters hahaha

 May happened to be one of the best ever!
I became the Student Council Secretary :>

I also had a summer job! :-bd


Happy Birthday to meee!!I could not ask for more. A complete family (Imagine papa is beside me ♥ ), a great selection of what I want to eat, unexpected extra-ordinary greetings though I've hidden my birth date on Facebook and lastly ****toot ♥♥ Thankiee everyone :*

Also, I ate a whole pizza for the first time. Well technically, 'cause I had 8 slices during Papa John's pizza all you can with my guy friends

Since I was busy with school, I am so lucky to have a mere chance to
see my high school friends during Shane's debut

This month, I did some kalokohan and doodled my door =)))

I met new friends as well. It's the FG :)


Nothing much happened during August.
Habagat destroyed many lives and so we extended
our help as much as we can.

I also strengthened bonds with my friends! :)

And it's also the first time I got stucked somewhere 'cause of a storm


This month's higlight is Dave's birthday where I got embarassingly drunk OMASDJKL... YOLO nights they say..If only I can choose a month where I could go back, I'll choose this month

DARNNN IT! I missed my band's concert :(

October is the "bonding" month with everyone..

Me and my Ohana went to Fraser's
I posted a blog about this one. Check it out :))

I bonded with the Student Council also :)

Nothing much happened during November..
beside the garden movie marathon which is one of my first times :-bd


Last, but definitely not the least :)
December is not as extreme as I thought it would be
but it was still good.

I went to a debut with my endless guy friends

One of my month's highlights is when me and my blockmates
went to Ayala Triangle.. It really was a fun bonding moment..

2012 may not be the best year but every single second, minute, hour and day can't be brought back so cherish it. This year taught me that not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. They may be the best people you'll have but some aren't meant to stay. They'll leave but the memories and the things they taught you will stay with you forever. 2013 will be my year! I'll cherish every moment, I'll make more mistakes and it will surely be one hell of a ride :-bd